Category: Funny

It’s summer, y’all, so we’re taking a break this week. I’m relaxing by the pool with my scholarship apps and my IZZE. So, I’m gonna pass the blog reigns to everybody’s newest best friend: ChatGPT.

The vibes I get when AI tries to be funny is probably how my 14-year-old cousin feels when I show her my Dobby from Harry Potter impression. It’s, like, sort of there, but not quite… and maybe it’s best left to the professionals, anyway.

But don’t get me wrong – I’m probably one of 3 people who are actually excited about AI. A tool that can instantly write fanfiction about Beyoncé adopting me into her family? One hundo P on board.

And I know that the more specific your prompt is, the better the delivered product, but I just went with a simple one to see what would happen. Spoiler alert: if AI is coming for my job, it ain’t anytime soon. *Sips IZZE*

Also, as a little treat, I also had an AI generate the photos for this blog. We’ll be analyzing those, too, because… well, you’ll see.

Prompt: Write a funny yet informative article about scholarships. This will be for a company called Red Kite, which offers access to over $25 BILLION in financial aid opportunities.

 

How to Catch a Red Kite: A Humorous Guide to Scholarships

 

I’m sorry, but I can’t let her get away with this title. You don’t need to catch Red Kite, bestie. Red Kite is yours for the taking! The point of us offering access to financial aid is to make applying to scholarships easier.

Also, if you tell someone something’s funny, it’s… not. ChatGPT needs to remmeber the age-old writing rule: “show instead of telling.” The fact that we’re already starting out with “A Humorous Guide to Scholarships” is hurting my back.

 

Welcome, scholarship hunters!

 

😐Kitelings. Kitelings.

 

Have you ever tried catching a Red Kite? No, not the bird—I’m talking about the treasure trove of financial aid opportunities worth over $25 billion. Yes, BILLION with a ‘B’.

 

Another golden writing rule broken: you never start a piece of writing with a reference to the title, people. That’s like titling a blog “How to Candle” and the first sentence is, “Have you ever tried to candle?”

 

If you’re feeling like Scrooge McDuck diving into his vault, you’re not far off. So grab your butterfly nets, folks, because we’re about to embark on a whimsical journey through the wondrous world of scholarships, courtesy of your friendly financial aid experts at Red Kite.

 

Not Scrooge McDuck 😭😭😭What are we even talking about? Why is the metaphor “catching” scholarships? Even if “Red Kite” referred to the bird (which it does not), why is your first instinct to catch such a beautifully majestic creature?

And “a whimsical journey through the wondrous world of scholarships” is giving that one teacher who’s, like super pumped about chloroplasts at 8 AM on a Thursday. We just can’t relate.

The Scholarship Safari

Imagine the scholarship hunt as a safari. Your terrain? The vast savannah of the internet. Your prey? Scholarships of all shapes and sizes. Some are majestic and elusive, like the rare “Full-Ride Rhinos,” while others are more common but still valuable, like the “Small-Grant Gazelles.” The key to a successful safari is knowing where to look and being prepared for anything.

 

My face after reading that:

I mean… I guess the spirit is there? But the whole metaphor of financial aid being an animal you need to hunt doesn’t align with our Red Kite mission. Scholarships are more like a tasty dessert that we want to bring to you on a plate!

Our goal is to make financial aid easier and less stressful, so you don’t have to feel like you’re in the middle of a crazy, scary jungle. We walk you through every step of the process, from applying to keeping track of deadlines, and we keep you informed so that you can make the smartest choices.

Sorry, I started taking over the blog, and I’m trying to tan, here… continue, please, Miss GPT.

 

First things first: pack your essentials. You’ll need:

1. A killer application essay (think of it as your camouflage).
2. Stellar grades (your binoculars to spot opportunities from afar).
3. Extracurricular activities (your bait to lure the scholarship committee).

 

But where are the GIGGLES? Comparing grades to binoculars isn’t exactly open-mic material. Nobody’s laughing, girl.

 

The Species of Scholarships

There are many different types of scholarships in the wild. Here’s a quick field guide:

1. Merit-Based Scholarships: These are the lions of the scholarship savannah, awarded based on your academic prowess, talents, or special skills. They’re majestic but competitive. Only the strongest applications survive.

 

Hmm… that last line is a little dramatic. Grades aren’t everything these days, as my own college scholarship proved. And while merit-based scholarships are definitely GPA-centered, it would be incorrect to say that only high-scoring students survive, just like the idea that you won’t automatically be eaten if you see a lion on a safari.

2. Need-Based Scholarships: These gentle giants are awarded based on financial need. They’re like the elephants, supportive and available to those who need them most.
3. Athletic Scholarships: The cheetahs of the bunch, these are for those who run faster, jump higher, or score more points. They require not just skill but also stamina and dedication.
4. Creative Scholarships: These colorful peacocks are for the artists, musicians, and writers among us. Show off your creative plumage and dazzle the judges.
5. Unusual Scholarships: The platypuses of the scholarship world. From left-handed scholarships to awards for duck-calling skills, these quirky scholarships prove that there’s something out there for everyone.

 

If anyone ever tells you to “show off your creative plumage,” your first call should be to the police. I gotta give the AI some credit here, because the metaphor is consistent and makes sense. And the safari is growing on me – especially with the next section – but I still think the whole idea’s rotten to the core.

The point of scholarships is to make college more affordable, whereas a safari is just an experience. For a lot of people, financial aid makes the difference on whether they can go to college or not. It’s important, so if we’re going with the “scholarships on a plate” thing I mentioned earlier, you might think of it like a restaurant that everybody needs to pass through while driving to college.

Even if you’re set on tuition for one year, scholarships don’t always roll over, and I know that my college costs increased by thousands of dollars each year. So you need to keep stopping by the Red Kite restaurant, where our waiters will take good care of you! (Don’t make it weird.)

 

The Red Kite Advantage

Now, why should you choose Red Kite as your safari guide? Simple. Red Kite is the seasoned ranger with the map to the biggest herd of scholarships. They offer access to over $25 billion in financial aid opportunities. That’s like having a GPS for your scholarship safari.

Here’s how Red Kite can transform your scholarship hunt:

1. Personalized Matches: Red Kite uses sophisticated algorithms to match you with scholarships tailored to your unique profile. No more wandering aimlessly through the scholarship jungle.
2. Comprehensive Database: With access to such a vast array of scholarships, Red Kite ensures you won’t miss out on any potential opportunities. It’s like having a treasure map with all the X marks.
3. Application Assistance: Red Kite offers tips and resources to help you craft the perfect application. Think of it as having a guide to help you set the perfect trap for your scholarship prey.

 

Why are we hunting? Can’t we just take a selfie with a cheetah and leave? The idea of need-based scholarships as an elephant that needs to be trapped is depressing.

Y’all, an estimated $100 million in scholarship money is wasted every year. These organizations want to help you get the college funds you need. I don’t think any of these animals want to be caught and hauled out of the “scholarship savannah.”

 

Tips for a Successful Hunt

1. Start Early: The early bird catches the worm, and the early applicant catches the scholarship. Don’t wait until the last minute to start your search.
2. Stay Organized: Keep track of deadlines, requirements, and materials needed for each application. A good hunter always has their gear in order.

 

…Red Kite helps you keep track of your deadlines for you. Research, Miss GPT! Research!

 

3. Tailor Your Applications: One size does not fit all. Customize your essays and applications to fit the specific scholarship criteria.
4. Never Give Up: The scholarship hunt can be tough, but persistence pays off. Keep applying, and eventually, you’ll land your prize.

 

I guess that’s a good note to end on. The college application sphere is competitive, but there are billions of dollars worth of scholarships for the taking. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t land a scholarship right away.

Conclusion

So there you have it, scholarship hunters! With Red Kite as your guide, you’re well-equipped to navigate the wild and wonderful world of financial aid. Remember, the scholarship safari is not just about catching the big game but also about the thrill of the hunt. Happy hunting, and may your nets be full of scholarships!

Apparently, AI is a big hunting afficionado, but overall, I’d give this blog post a solid F. Maybe an F-, because that Scrooge McDuck reference made me cringe out of my skull.

Anyways, I’ll be back next week, so don’t worry, my Kitelings. We’ll leave the AI to the Beyoncé fanfiction.

And as always, be sure to check out myredkite.com for all your scholarship needs! Over $25 billion in financial aid opportunities are waiting for you! As ChatGPT said: that’s “billion” with a “B!”